Divisive Leader Launches Global Unity "Field" Network: A Masterclass in Hypocrisy

In an astonishing twist that has left the entire nation both laughing and scratching their heads, New Zealand’s most famously divisive leader, Jacinda Dividewell, has unveiled her latest brainchild: the “Field” Network. Yes, you read that correctly. The woke womxn who turned sibling rivalries into national pastimes is now championing unity. What could possibly go wrong?

The Queen of Chaos

Jacinda Dividewell’s reign as Prime Minister was marked by one consistent theme: creating chaos & division. Her policies, such as the infamous “Dob In Your Best Friend Act” and the “Family Feud Fridays Act,” have made discord as Kiwi as pavlova. Her divisive rhetoric has turned peaceful protests into UFC-style showdowns. Yet, Jacinda now wants us to believe she’s the fairy godmother of unity. Oh, the irony!

Lessons from the “Expert”

The “Field” Network is hilariously advertised as the ultimate resource for bringing people together, led by a woman whose life motto could be “Divide and Conquer.” Highlights from the curriculum include:

• “Building Bridges: How to Burn Them Like a Pro”: Learn from Jacinda’s extensive experience in turning friendly handshakes into explosive hand grenades.
• ”Conflict Resolution: Techniques in Stirring the Pot Behind The Protection Of A Global Elite”: Discover the secrets behind escalating minor disagreements into full-blown soap operas.
• ”Community Engagement: Mastering the Art of Awkward Distance”: Perfect the skill of appearing to care while staying comfortably detached.
• ”Diplomacy: The Circular Talkathon”: Develop the knack for using a lot of words to say absolutely nothing, ensuring zero progress.
• ”Ignoring Like A Pro: Mastering the Art of Smilingly Dismissing Others”: Including how to turn on the sprinklers when it gets too much

Jacinda’s Magic Touch

At the grand opening of the “Field” Network, Jacinda delivered a speech that can only be described as an exquisite blend of delusion and comedy gold. “Unity isn’t just a goal; it’s a never-ending journey. A journey I have ensured will be as long and arduous as possible.” she declared, leaving the audience both baffled and amused.

Unity isn’t just a goal; it’s a never-ending journey. A journey I have ensured will be as long and arduous as possible.

Reactions from the Hilariously Divided Nation

Public reactions to Jacinda’s new venture have been a mix of disbelief and hilarity. Her supporters, who apparently enjoy living in a perpetual state of cognitive dissonance, applaud her for her “unique perspective on unity.” Critics, meanwhile, can’t stop laughing at the absurdity.

“Having Jacinda teach unity is like hiring a bull to fix your china shop,” chuckled comedian Sam Laughlin. “I’m signing up just for the comedy value!”

A Spectacle of Unity

In the meantime, grab your popcorn and prepare for the ultimate paradox in political history. After all, when life gives you a buck tooth Tyrant, you might as well make a sitcom out of it.

Long live the irony, and may our laughter never cease!

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