Lesbian Navy Ship Commander Attempts to Reverse Park $100 Million Dollar War Vessel On A Reef, Sinking It
- 07 Oct, 2024
In an unprecedented display of naval ineptitude, the Royal New Zealand Navy has managed to sink a $100 million dollar war ship, the HMNZS Oopsie-Daisy, while attempting a reverse parking maneuver in the middle of the ocean. This marks the first time in modern naval history that a nation has managed to sink such an expensive ship during peacetime without the assistance of an enemy or natural disaster.
Rear Admiral Kiwi Kate, visibly flustered and still dripping wet, told reporters, “We were simply trying out a new ‘reverse docking’ technique we saw on YouTube. Who knew ships don’t have rear-view mirrors? The reef just came up out of nowhere”
The incident occurred when Lieutenant Commander Yvonne Gray, recently promoted after completing an online “Ship Steering for Dummies” course on Udemy, was given command of the vessel for its maiden voyage from the shipyard to its destination - the middle of nowhere.
”I wasn’t sure where to park, so I figured I’d back her in,” Gray explained while wringing out her uniform. “It worked with my Suzuki Swift, so why not a 3,500-ton frigate?”
Maritime experts are baffled by the Navy’s decision to attempt such a maneuver. Captain Salty McSeadog, a veteran of the high seas, commented, “In my 40 years of sailing, I’ve never heard of anyone trying to parallel park a warship. It’s not like there are white lines painted on the seabed, you know.”
The incident has caused an estimated $150 million in damages, including the cost of the ship, and the New Zealand navy trying to manage the public outcry.
New Zealand’s Minister of Defense tried to put a positive spin on the disaster, stating, “Well, at least we’ve set a world record. Take that, China!”
